Last week was all about perfection and noticing if our motivation behind something being different (aka “better”) is a result of our conditioning toward perfection-seeking, or is it motivated by our true values. Let’s think about this in real life for a minute.
Having a spotless house where the kids pick up their OWN toys every night.
- Do I WANT this? - YES
- Do I feel more SETTLED when things are tidy? - YES
- Do I feel PROUD and like I am doing a good job as a mother when the kids clean up after themselves? - YES
These are all true...AND, these feelings and desires stem from conditioning toward perfection, not my real core values.
Okay, so what are my values when it comes to this example?
- Feeling connected, patient, and present with my kids.
- This requires letting go of a tidy house sometimes.
- Raising children who are kind, helpful, and respectful….AND who have permission to be too tired sometimes after a really long day.
- Do I feel too tired to cook dinner some nights and just order pizza? Yes.
This week let’s practice checking in with our internal compass when we feel agitated by something like tidiness, or our kids not “behaving” the way we want them to. Let go where you can. Find compromise. Sit with discomfort. This helps us build resilience!
This week’s practice:
- Notice when you find yourself in a state of overwhelm and reactivity about things being just so.
- Try to sit down for a minute or two and really think about your values around this situation.
- Based on your values, decide what to focus on. Connection? Cleaning up together? Finding compromise?
In the classroom & at home:
- Make time to listen to your children, if they are resisting a request.
- Notice your urge to argue and make them do something, let this be your reminder to touch base with your request - based on conditioning or a value?
- Model respectful speech toward them. This involves noticing your own tone and fighting the urge to argue. PRACTICE makes progress here. Be kind to yourself, too.
- See if you can find more compromise with your children/students, based on the core value you are working toward.